Have you ever found yourself feeling helpless, humiliated, depressed or maybe even in severe situations, suicidal, after someone said something nasty about you or physically hurt you? Chances are you have been a victim of bullying. If you have never been bullied, you will struggle to understand just how much damage it can do to a person’s self-esteem and well-being both emotionally and physically. Bullying should not be tolerated – no exceptions.

The different types of bullying

 To help you understand the extent of bullying, let’s look at the different types of bullying you could experience:

1. Verbal bullying: these bullies will mock you and embarrass you in front of your friends. They often taunt and tease over long periods of time.
2. Physical bullying: these bullies are aggressive and will hurt you physically by hitting you or tripping you, pulling your hair or knocking your books or anything you are carrying out of your hands.
3. Cyber bullying: sadly, this seems to be the most common form of bullying these days. Cyber bullies will post pictures or videos of you on social media with the aim of embarrassing you. They may even just use words – but those words will be hurtful and damaging to your reputation.
4. Relational bullying: this form of bullying is carried out by people you know who use their relationship with you – like a cousin or uncle – to mock you and embarrass you in public.
5. Corporate bullying: yes, adults also have to deal with bullies in the workplace. These bullies will use their power to embarrass and discredit you with the goal of stopping you from growing and succeeding. Most of the time they are threatened by your capabilities and use bullying to try and hide their own shortcomings.

Dealing with and overcoming bullies

 It doesn’t justify the bullying behaviour, but it is important to remember that ‘hurt people, hurt people’. The bully who is antagonising you was probably bullied at home by his own father or maybe another family member or friend. Not taking it personally is your first step to emotional freedom. You are a victim. It is unfair and it must be stopped.

Always remember that it is not your fault – a bully’s behaviour says so much more about them as a person than it does about you. So, make a conscious effort to remind yourself of that. They are not bullying you because of who you are, they are looking for a target to vent at. If that bully didn’t find you, he would have found another target. Be proud of who you are, hold your head up high and don’t let it affect your self-esteem. Don’t dwell on what has happened, keep a positive mindset and believe in yourself.

Don’t respond and don’t retaliate. Rather focus on your real friends who support you and treat you right. Spend time with them doing activities that will improve your mental well-being. Learn to brush it off as much as possible and the bully will soon see that they are not getting the reaction which fuels their behaviour, so they will move on.

When to ask for help

 What happens if the bully doesn’t move on? What if they continue to intimidate and mock you in different ways to the point of it being unbearable? That’s when you need to speak to an adult you trust. Tell a teacher or a family member so that they can do something about the bully’s unacceptable behaviour. When it gets too much it must be handed over to an adult. If the adult you approach can’t help you, go to your principal. Don’t stop until you find someone who will listen and act.

Who to ask for help

If you can’t find an adult that will help you, there are organisations that you can contact to get professional help:

Childline (24 hours / seven days a week)

Phone 116 – free from all networks

Suicide Crisis Line

0800 567 567

SADAG Mental Health Line

011 234 4837